Consequences of Stealing a Sweater
by Saratail
Summary: Chaos and mayhem ensues as the Marauders gather one by one into the Gryffindor common room. Poor Remus.


"I like pie," announced Sirius.

A sigh could be heard from somewhere in the background.

"I know, Padfoot," said Remus as he narrowed his eyes at him. "You've been repeating that sentence for the past twenty minutes". He stopped talking as Sirius proceeded to do the chicken dance around the room.

"What did you feed him this time, Moony?" a voice asked from behind Remus. He turned around to see James and Lily standing behind him; both seeming to be attached to each other by the sleeves of their shirts. Remus raised an eyebrow, wondering how on earth someone could manage to get into a situation as ridiculous as the one he was staring at right now.

"What have you two done to get into a predicament like that?" asked Remus. Lily blushed, looking away at the floor while James grinned. "Well, Lily and I got into a broom closet and we started to- hey! That hurt!" he cried, rubbing his free hand onto the arm that Lily had hit with her arm.

"Well?" asked Remus, oblivious to Lily's discomfort. He raised an eyebrow at James.

James, noticing the highly raised eyebrow, waved the hand that wasn't attached to Lily's sleeve up in defense. "I _tried_ to tell you, but I think Lily is a bit shy about our little adventures in- OW! Knock it off, Lily!"

Remus stared at him for a moment in disbelief.

"Anyway," Remus continued. "I swear I didn't feed Padfoot anything this time," he said. "I think we all learned our lesson last time someone gave him a piece of chocolate."

The three took some time to flash back to the horrifying, yet slightly amusing scene. If you could have a peek into their mind's eye, you'd see flashes of terror filled scenarios of them running for their lives, leaving the chaotic, chocolate-covered mess, otherwise known as Sirius, behind.

"Hey, leave Sirius alone," Lily said, snapping out of her flashback as she rose to their slightly deranged friend's defense." it's not like he's not normal or anything, he just likes pie-"

"I like pie," interjected Sirius, popping his head in between James and Lily, as if he was confirming Lily's statement. They all stopped talking again as he ran around them, still doing the chicken dance.

"How long has he been doing this for anyway?" asked James.

"For exactly twenty-three minutes," replied Remus, checking his watch. James turned his head to look at Lily pointedly.

"I thought you said he was normal."

"He IS normal!" Lily insisted. Remus stared at her as if another head had sprouted from her neck. Clearly Lily was desperately trying to cover for both her and Sirius's honor.

"If it's so normal," said Remus, "then you go do it," he challenged.

"There is _no way_ I am going to-" Lily was cut off by James as he suddenly exclaimed "Hey! No one challenges _my_ girlfriend and gets away with it! Come on, Lily. We'll show Moony."

Lily stared at James before glancing back at Remus. James stood still for a moment before joining Sirius in his routine of the chicken dance, dragging a horrified Lily along with him. Remus stood in the middle of the room by himself, watching James with a mixture of amusement and disbelief on his face; he didn't think James would actually listen to him and make a complete fool out of himself, along with poor Lily, who was forced to follow James as they were currently attached to each other.

"Am I the only normal one here?" Remus muttered to himself, burying his face in his hands as people started to pass by, pointing and laughing at the activities that were going on inside the room.

He was just about to leave the common room to save himself from any other possible embarrassment when Peter trailed into the room, looking rather solemn and depressed. Remus was confused, for normally Peter would always enter a room with the biggest smile he could muster onto his face. It was rather suspicious, really. He had been that way for quite some time now…

Seeing the confusion that Remus displayed, Peter asked him what was going through him mind.

"You just seem kind of down," answered Remus. "Is anything wrong, Wormtail?"

"Oh, I'm not sad or anything," said Peter, flashing a sudden grin. "This is me trying to be mature," he said, thrusting his chest out proudly. He snapped his fingers, making an army of first years suddenly materialize. They all stood in line and began to puff air out of their cheeks, blowing his hair around as he stepped into a spotlight that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

Remus sighed as he plopped herself down onto a chair, staring at the group of people in front of him, each of them doing something that was… not normal. Peter was still standing in his spotlight, his sandy brown hair blowing around in the wind that was caused by the first. James and Lily were propped up against each other as they finally stopped chasing after Sirius with the chicken dance, gasping and panting for breath. Really, was he the only person in the room that was even the slightest bit mature? They were all soon set to graduate from Hogwarts in a few months, for crying out loud!

Remus was interrupted out of his thoughts as he heard Peter let out a cry of pain. He had apparently stood in the path of the first years for too long, seeing that his hair had been blown in such a way that somehow, all of his hair was currently sticking into his eyes. He watched briefly in amusement as Peter hopped out of the spotlight, clutching his eyes in pain. The first years took that as some kind of command, and began spitting out mouthfuls of saliva at him. Poor Peter…

Remus was just about to go over to him to check if he was alright when Sirius tripped over his own feet and fell onto his face in front of him, blocking his path. A full moment of peace and silence had passed while Sirius remained with his face glued to the floor.

Remus's moment of relief had turned into worry as Sirius hadn't gotten up from the floor after another two minutes had passed.

"Maybe he finally ran out of energy," suggested James.

"I didn't even know that was possible," replied Lily, staring at Sirius's unusually still form. They all crowded around him, watching him in concern as he remained motionless. James was just about to prod Sirius's shoulder when he suddenly sprang up, spouting out a song he had made up on the spot about pie.

James stood corrected, for Sirius hadn't run out of energy after all.

Just as Sirius was finishing a high note in his song, the door burst open, and Severus charged into the room, waving a large machine gun at everyone. Letting out a rather barbaric roar, he shot them all down, Sirius being the last to go as he screamed with a voice that reached such high decibels that it caused people's ears to start bleeding uncontrollably. If one listened closely through all the chaos and mayhem, one could hear Madam Pomfery's frightened squeals as hordes of students stampeded into the infirmary, demanding sanctuary from the terrible sounds that Sirius was emitting.

"NO ONE," said Severus, staring at all the lifeless bodies that lay before him. "And I mean NO ONE, can steal my Gladrags sweater and get away with it." He ripped the sweater off of Sirius and stormed out of the room.

Evidently, stealing someone's sweater had its price.

**A/N: Well.. yet another random story. I personally like Sirius all carefree and whatever. Remus, of course, is the responsible one. And the rest… well they just turned out like that :P hope you all like it. PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW!**


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